Bugger off by buffychit

Parental despair, or why life sucks

Should know that when everything seems to be going OK there's a big frelling anvil about to drop on your head.  Two calls in two days from J's school - he's blowing off Ancient History, and his attendance in Chemistry is below par.  I don't know whether to cry or scream.  How to you get through to their thick teenage brain that school is important, and that the HSC grades he scores will either limit or open up his career possibilities.  Maybe he needs to flunk out completely, and clean the bottom of the greasetraps at McDonald's for a few months to realise that there is more to life.  It's so damn frustrating, and I feel like screaming, and stamping my feet, and swearing a lot, and, and ...... and .... arrrghhhhhh ......

Isn't parenting supposed to get easier the more you practice?  It's the hardest damn thing I've ever done, and whilst I don't regret it, there are times when I wish J would be less of a handful.  He's opinionated and stubborn and funny and smart and lazy and quick-tempered and kind and thoughtful, and mostly a pretty good kid but ... I know he's had a rough year or so with the murder of his friend, and glandular fever, and the problems at his old school, but please, oh please, could he just give me a break from the teenage angst, and the school angst, and could someone make him realise that he will probably not make a living as a professional video gamer.  Here endeth the rant.

  • Current Mood: stressed stressed
Oh oh oh. Poor Deb. How incredibly frustrating. Either he will listen to you or he will learn the hard way! Either way, you've done your job. Try not to take on yourself too hard. It's up to him in the end. Best wishes and a big hug anyway.

PS: I think I was like that when I was a teenager too. Maybe worse! Very tempermental. Lazy!
The worse thing is that he seemed a different boy since starting at the new school, and now this. He says he wanted the change to give himself the best chance at a good HSC result, but he keeps undermining himself. Intellectually I know it's all up to him, but I can't help myself thinking what did I do wrong, should I have pushed him harder when he was first started high school, should we have beeen tougher on him, should we have disciplined him more, should we have been more strict etc etc etc, but he's 17 and half, technically he could leave home now. He has to take reponsibility for his own actions, and I have to let him make mistakes and learn the hard way, but God it's hard. All you want to do as a parent is make life easier for them, but some damned kids just want to do it the hard way, that's my boy. Thanks for the hugs and kind thoughts. I'll be better tomorrow.

Re the book throwing out - my solution is usually to buy another bookcase, rather than get rid of the books I already have - not a very practical scheme when you live in a small house like ours!!
Oh I think you're so right -- that you can know one thing intellectually about how to treat your kids, but putting it into practice is so hard. And you're right -- at 17 and a half I HAD left home. I started university 150 miles from home at that age (it was far too young and I wasn't cut out for academia anyway but that's beside the point). Best of luck. Letting go -- not looking forward to that bit! Mine are at a very hands-on stage!

Actually the junk clearing is very cathartic and therapeutic since I also have to sort out the estranged husband's stuff at the same time. This is the first time I've ever had a garage sale and I've never got rid of books before. One thing I can't let go of, though, is the baby stuff. The clothes and bassinet and baby toys. I just can't. I'm in denial. Even though I'm 43 I still have this fantasy of having another baby. Daft, eh. Even got a name -- Nathaniel.
Definitely enjoy your little ones now while they're still cute and cuddly and smooshy, before they become sullen, hormonal, monosyllabic Cro-magnon male teenagers (yep pretty pissed off at him today).

Fantasies are good, at whatever age. I like the name, but what if it's a girl ;-)
Ooh, I'm scared of girl children. Can't stand pink. My little sister and I were terrible tomboys on the farm -- shorts and scratched knees and building dams in the creek.
Thinking about our friends' teenage girls, I'm thinking a girl might have been easier.

I loathe and detest pink with a hatred as intense as a thousand suns - my darling mother in her joy at having a wee baby girl (my brothers were 10 and 13 when I was born), dressed me in nothing but pink for years and years and years. I still have nightmares about a fluffy, frilled pink tulle dress with matching bonnet. I had a pink bedspread and pink curtains and a pink bedside lamp, and pink rose patterned carpet, oh the horror - actually reliving that has taken my mind off other, more current horrors - thanks for that.
I only remember one pink thing in my entire childhood -- a polo neck jersey. We were fairly plainly attired. There wasn't much money.

Oh, and another thing to distract you from teenaged boys -- have you read rahirah new short fic -- The Happiest Place on Earth? It is just a peach of a story.
Wasn't too sure where rahirah was going with her story, but it ended up being adorable.

Don't worry too much about providing distractions, in the never-ending craptastic day of Debbi, life has provided me with another - see my latest LJ entry, if you're interested.